you know those tingling, moving moments?
when a stubborn old fool comes up against a wall… and breaks all the rules to get past
…follows his feelings into madness
and is led…
to something marvellous?
to something that resonates deeply with his own truth. that resonates even before he has touched it?
it is always so lovely to discover… another.
…another light by which to navigate in the lonely unknown…
to see that if one is only ever dreaming, then there are others who dream too.
and he thanks that other… he must love that other… simply for being.
and in the exchange, a brilliant spark flies and somewhere, something expands.
… the time has come for our fool to be magically transformed… he feels wonderful and dances with lightness and happiness!
but soon he encounters a falling, a fading… he is hovering at the very beginning of an invisible path and is trying to dance in the shadows… trying to trust his senses in the dark….
dizzily spiralling in a place where it is impossible to ‘know’ because he knows he can no longer be limited by his knowing
he has become a warrior and a warrior must be scared. relentlessly encountering that line of fear …and then so many other lines. fine lines, so easily crossed, yet like canyons for a man who cannot see. oh so many places, seemingly terrible places, to fall!
and then the darkness becomes darker than the blackest night but he must continue for he has discovered that he cannot live with a heart that does not sing. he has already passed though that comfortable place of sleeping. so he accepts the quest for there is no other reason to be.
he feels mysteriously honoured yet unspeakably afraid.
and in the waking of the long dark night, when his tired mind dissolves, takes flight… something stirs from deep within and whispers hidden secrets to him.
(dangerously entrancing quests for the foolish warrior who has hangs on nothing but a trembling intent)
his soul would be strong and powerful…if only it could be free… but our warrior is deluded! he is endlessly full of doubts and mistakes, he imagines he is riddled with cracks and weakened by unmovable blocks… he thinks he feels pain. he fears death!
he has forgotten his true nature so, captured by his own mistrust, he holds back in confusion. he holds and holds until something gives way …until, finally he lets go. now spiralling….
and then there is stillness. and in this space our warrior believes himself to be so fragmented and lost that he must cry out to the universe and ask;
“who am i? why am i here?”
and the timeless constant all that is, the deepest purest nothing, takes him. it holds him, it cradles him and speaks with ancient silence to the silence of his soul.
“you are perfect! you are whole! you are complete!”
and our warrior bows down and weeps with joy as he answers for himself:
“all the time i am so humbly, gloriously, delighted to be… so blessed to be…here. to have been given theses marvellous opportunities of un-learning and learning to see.
my only desire is to become! …to be, love.
to love…. relentlessly.
to cast love outward to the stars
now i am learning for the first time… to ask. to ask because i wish to be open to giving.
to ask in order that i may radiate back magnified over and over eternally endlessly over
… that more and more and ever more may always be …touched by ripples, not i but we!
i am a stumbling fool and will always be a fool… foolishly knowing nothing…
but i hope somehow to become at least an honest fool with an open heart.
..to learn to welcome, to thank the pain that takes one beyond, that reveals the beautiful mysterious, that shatters the mind and fills the centres of light…. to learn to embrace my truth and honour it. to allow others to do the same.
and to do this not to pleasure my ego, but because i have flown and let go, because i have returned. returned to that place of emptiness that can encompass all…
to live… to be… to play… to see… to laugh… to love!“