Tag Archives: knowing

Only Reflections

When I was a child,
feeling the goodness
in me,
in you,
in all things,
I looked to you to confirm it

I poured all my love
into people who were
Incredibly lost. People
who never felt deeply
all hearts share a truth.

People hurt others
when they are hurting
They don’t understand
who they are.
People make boxes
then sit in them,
shouting loudly.

They are really afraid
of light. And sometimes
do terrible things.

You taught me
to be ashamed.
You said goodness
is something out there
something that we are not.
This is what you had learnt.
You said you know
that Love is a lie.

You confused me so much.
It’s okay. I accept you.
There is nothing to forgive
Everyone is doing their best

You made me look
at being a person.
Thank you. It broke me
again and again.
But something is still here.

When we get broken
it makes an opening, for light.
I understand now
how terribly lonely you must be.

It’s time to change direction
and pour all our love into truth,
I will not be ashamed
if it doesn’t come back.

There is no return of light –
only reflections.

When I give my love to truth
it’s flowing in to you, too.
You are truth.
You don’t need to know about it

One day, we will all be free.

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Keep Me Foolish

Some people mock
those who pray;
They say “Only a fool
will call upon the name of G-d”

We are all children
don’t deny our innocence
Light can not be stolen

I don’t want to grow in the shadows.
So I turn to Love and say
“Keep me foolish. Please”

I can’t be brave.
You know that –
you made me this way.
It should really be you
on your knees,
begging forgiveness
for all the grief that caused.

I want you to make
the whole of me a prayer
So there isn’t a beginning
or an ending; a coming
or a going.
Not even one moment
that I leave your lips.

When people say G-d isn’t
I go deeper inside
I’ve been standing here naked
watching and listening
For all of time
and I never saw a place –
not even the smallest space
– that was empty.

Some people passing by
with their bundles of knowledge
Try to tell me
everything that IS isn’t:
that everything is not you.
I don’t want to be buried
beneath the weight of all that knowing

So I just smile
and say “Yes, Yes yes”
It doesn’t really matter –
after all, no one is listening
I never saw anyone
who is not G-d

One way or the other
we all play at being ignorant
It was made like that
So play how you will
– and be happy

But let me stay here
on your lips
I’ll do all the weeping
and the laughing
Blessing all the shadows
until the light comes home.

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Not Knowing

If you are breaking open
and there is no ground or walls,
nor person to say “Yes I am that”,
If there is no knowing nor faith
and no desire;

If you have discovered
that everything you believe in,
all that you touch, dissolves;
If nothing can be confirmed,

What do you do?

I stay still, feeling,
listening, quietly;

If the pain grows deeper – let it,
If the fear comes stronger – let it,

If disturbance comes to destroy
this entire world – let it!

What could I do
but stay in my heart?
Stay here, where
something is burning.

And whilst I wait between
unknowable and unknown,

Perhaps the life
that is warm and moving
will carry my understanding
deeper, to a place where

All this breaking will only have been
the tearing down of walls:
the walls of my being.

So if it hurts and feels like it’s the end,
maybe it’s only the beginning of beyond;
Because the walls are not me
and all I ever asked for was to be free:
Free of all that is not true,
Free to merge with infinity,
to meet G-d – Fully.

(It was a name we were given
for that which has no name.)

All that ever remains is this longing.

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Already That

Sometimes,
I wanted to run away,
to run so far from knowing,
leave all practice behind;
Retreat to that place
within my own being,
Where, it was always clear,
that nothing could exist but

Silence,
All-pervading,
Love.

Where there could be no conflict.

But it seemed as though
having already taken one step
too far into the beyond,
that the world in my own silent company
could offer no retreat –
For I had come to mistrust my own seeing,
blindly grasping at these endless illusions.

I was never quite sure
if I was awake, or dreaming.

It certainly appeared as though
I could never quite see
and that all that arose
was perceived through
relentless distortions.

All that changed was
the way of dreaming;
Reality seemed
out of reach.

And so I had to continue
full of doubt and fears,
giving my life to a path
which I could not trust;
Because without that path
all living was empty,
a pantomime for the senses
in which I had long since lost
interest or desire.

No other way had been offered
to follow deeper inwards and go beyond,
so I took it, blindly
stumbling all around the edges
across a thousand imaginations.

Every part that you might call me
caused nothing but trouble and pain.
Yet really, I hadn’t even begun.

I prayed to a higher seeing
a deeper loving, an essence,
the indivisible one,
(that I prayed existed)
Not to let me go astray;
Not to let me forget the heart.

I begged life, weeping daily
(with a heart on fire
that desired nothing
but to be returned,
to be fully empty)
to remove me completely;
leaving only

That which
Was
Already That.

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The Ancient Fool

you know those tingling, moving moments?

when a stubborn old fool comes up against a wall… and breaks all the rules to get past

…follows his feelings into madness

and is led…

to something marvellous?

to something that resonates deeply with his own truth.  that resonates even before he has touched it?

it is always so lovely to discover… another.

…another light by which to navigate in the lonely unknown…

to see that if one is only ever dreaming, then there are others who dream too.

and he thanks that other… he must love that other… simply for being.

and in the exchange, a brilliant spark flies and somewhere, something expands.

… the time has come for our fool to be magically transformed… he feels wonderful and dances with lightness and happiness!

but soon he encounters a falling, a fading… he is hovering at the very beginning of an invisible path and is trying to dance in the shadows… trying to trust his senses in the dark….

dizzily spiralling in a place where it is impossible to ‘know’ because he knows he can no longer be limited by his knowing

he has become a warrior and a warrior must be scared. relentlessly encountering that line of fear …and then so many other lines.  fine lines, so easily crossed, yet like canyons for a man who cannot see. oh so many places, seemingly terrible places, to fall!

and then the darkness becomes darker than the blackest night but he must continue for he has discovered that he cannot live with a heart that does not sing. he has already passed though that comfortable place of sleeping. so  he accepts the quest for there is no other reason to be.

he feels mysteriously honoured yet unspeakably afraid.

and in the waking of the long dark  night, when his tired mind dissolves, takes flight… something stirs from deep within and whispers hidden secrets to him.

what adventures!

(dangerously entrancing quests for the foolish warrior who has hangs on nothing but a trembling intent)

his soul would  be strong and powerful…if only it could be free…  but our warrior is deluded! he is endlessly full of doubts and mistakes, he imagines he is riddled with cracks and weakened by unmovable blocks… he thinks he feels pain. he fears death!

he has forgotten his true nature so, captured by his own mistrust, he holds back in confusion. he holds and holds until something gives way …until, finally he lets go. now spiralling….

down,

down,

down.

and then there is stillness. and in this space our warrior believes himself to be so fragmented and lost that he must cry out to the universe and ask;

 “who am i? why am i here?”

and the timeless constant all that is, the deepest purest nothing, takes him. it holds him, it cradles him and speaks with ancient silence to the silence of his soul.

you are perfect! you are whole! you are complete!”

and our warrior bows down and weeps with joy as he answers for himself:

“all the time i am so humbly, gloriously, delighted to be… so blessed to be…here. to have been given theses marvellous opportunities of un-learning and learning to see.

my only desire is to become! …to be, love.

to love…. relentlessly.

to cast love outward to the stars

now i am learning for the first time… to ask. to ask because i wish to be open to giving.

 to ask in order that i may radiate back magnified over and over eternally endlessly over

… that more and more and ever more  may always be …touched by  ripples, not i but we!

i am a stumbling fool and will always be a fool… foolishly knowing nothing…

but i hope somehow to become at least an honest fool with an open heart.

..to learn to welcome, to thank the pain that takes one beyond, that reveals the beautiful mysterious, that shatters the mind and fills the centres of light…. to learn to embrace my truth and honour it. to allow others to do the same.

and to do this not to pleasure my ego, but because i have flown and let go, because i have returned.  returned to that place of emptiness that  can encompass all…

to live…  to be… to play… to see… to laugh… to love!

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