Tag Archives: beyond

Not Knowing

If you are breaking open
and there is no ground or walls,
nor person to say “Yes I am that”,
If there is no knowing nor faith
and no desire;

If you have discovered
that everything you believe in,
all that you touch, dissolves;
If nothing can be confirmed,

What do you do?

I stay still, feeling,
listening, quietly;

If the pain grows deeper – let it,
If the fear comes stronger – let it,

If disturbance comes to destroy
this entire world – let it!

What could I do
but stay in my heart?
Stay here, where
something is burning.

And whilst I wait between
unknowable and unknown,

Perhaps the life
that is warm and moving
will carry my understanding
deeper, to a place where

All this breaking will only have been
the tearing down of walls:
the walls of my being.

So if it hurts and feels like it’s the end,
maybe it’s only the beginning of beyond;
Because the walls are not me
and all I ever asked for was to be free:
Free of all that is not true,
Free to merge with infinity,
to meet G-d – Fully.

(It was a name we were given
for that which has no name.)

All that ever remains is this longing.

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Becoming a Mirror

How does one become a mirror
that reflects with clarity
your true nature?

Whilst I was sleeping
you whispered words of love,
of love beyond my knowledge.

Perhaps I will remember you
as a dream that stirs in my heart at times
or as the wind in my hair.

I didn’t understand
because at that moment
I was not ready.

Yet your words find a place always,
in my deep still place
they are nourished.

Your voice is in the rain against skin,
a bird singing somewhere far away,
the space between my thoughts.

Some day I shall awake
and your whisperings will unfold,
just as love blossoms into a beautiful tree.

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The Ancient Fool

you know those tingling, moving moments?

when a stubborn old fool comes up against a wall… and breaks all the rules to get past

…follows his feelings into madness

and is led…

to something marvellous?

to something that resonates deeply with his own truth.  that resonates even before he has touched it?

it is always so lovely to discover… another.

…another light by which to navigate in the lonely unknown…

to see that if one is only ever dreaming, then there are others who dream too.

and he thanks that other… he must love that other… simply for being.

and in the exchange, a brilliant spark flies and somewhere, something expands.

… the time has come for our fool to be magically transformed… he feels wonderful and dances with lightness and happiness!

but soon he encounters a falling, a fading… he is hovering at the very beginning of an invisible path and is trying to dance in the shadows… trying to trust his senses in the dark….

dizzily spiralling in a place where it is impossible to ‘know’ because he knows he can no longer be limited by his knowing

he has become a warrior and a warrior must be scared. relentlessly encountering that line of fear …and then so many other lines.  fine lines, so easily crossed, yet like canyons for a man who cannot see. oh so many places, seemingly terrible places, to fall!

and then the darkness becomes darker than the blackest night but he must continue for he has discovered that he cannot live with a heart that does not sing. he has already passed though that comfortable place of sleeping. so  he accepts the quest for there is no other reason to be.

he feels mysteriously honoured yet unspeakably afraid.

and in the waking of the long dark  night, when his tired mind dissolves, takes flight… something stirs from deep within and whispers hidden secrets to him.

what adventures!

(dangerously entrancing quests for the foolish warrior who has hangs on nothing but a trembling intent)

his soul would  be strong and powerful…if only it could be free…  but our warrior is deluded! he is endlessly full of doubts and mistakes, he imagines he is riddled with cracks and weakened by unmovable blocks… he thinks he feels pain. he fears death!

he has forgotten his true nature so, captured by his own mistrust, he holds back in confusion. he holds and holds until something gives way …until, finally he lets go. now spiralling….

down,

down,

down.

and then there is stillness. and in this space our warrior believes himself to be so fragmented and lost that he must cry out to the universe and ask;

 “who am i? why am i here?”

and the timeless constant all that is, the deepest purest nothing, takes him. it holds him, it cradles him and speaks with ancient silence to the silence of his soul.

you are perfect! you are whole! you are complete!”

and our warrior bows down and weeps with joy as he answers for himself:

“all the time i am so humbly, gloriously, delighted to be… so blessed to be…here. to have been given theses marvellous opportunities of un-learning and learning to see.

my only desire is to become! …to be, love.

to love…. relentlessly.

to cast love outward to the stars

now i am learning for the first time… to ask. to ask because i wish to be open to giving.

 to ask in order that i may radiate back magnified over and over eternally endlessly over

… that more and more and ever more  may always be …touched by  ripples, not i but we!

i am a stumbling fool and will always be a fool… foolishly knowing nothing…

but i hope somehow to become at least an honest fool with an open heart.

..to learn to welcome, to thank the pain that takes one beyond, that reveals the beautiful mysterious, that shatters the mind and fills the centres of light…. to learn to embrace my truth and honour it. to allow others to do the same.

and to do this not to pleasure my ego, but because i have flown and let go, because i have returned.  returned to that place of emptiness that  can encompass all…

to live…  to be… to play… to see… to laugh… to love!

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If I Were a Bird

If I were a bird,
I would fly –
it would be that easy!

No need to do anything else
but soar and glide freely
The wind would be my guide
I would dance on invisible currents,
wings spread out wide
and what then?
How wise i would be,
knowing nothing!

Today, in the rain,
while we huddled indoors
and time passed by,
a bird flew up! Up!
Straight into the grey white cloud
and then it was gone
into the unknown beyond
where the sun was still shining.

If i were a bird,
I would fly –
it would be that easy!

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