Send every Angel You Know

I did not sleep this night
and now the sun is already rising high;
I will not sleep this day,
but empty my mind for you
and open my heart,
for we missed the moment
of true conversation
far too often –
I have been too busy
showing the world
what a terrible fool I can be
when I ignore your whispers.

There’s this little child in me you see,
having tantrums –
She’s wild with fear and pain
and the raging torrents of her tears
blind her;
She screams so loud – and fights
like a wild animal, cornered,
I do anything to silence her
and say “G-d look away for a moment”
(how could I say such things?)
and then how far I fall.

Only yesterday it seemed
I could touch your outstretched hand
with my trembling fingers –
Now I can hardly lift my head
I am so ashamed

Blossom is falling from the trees
and the birds have been singing to you
with the whole of their being
since dawn;
They never even had the smallest doubt –
that’s how innocent they are.

Please, help me to listen
more closely, more deeply,
I don’t want to be apart from you
for even one more moment;
There’s no where to go but inside you
Outside, you know, I’m lost.

This life is no place for
someone like me,
Your love alone keeps me alive;

If I can not live for you
Then I am already dying!
If I take even one step
without you in mind
all the light fades
and this body grows tired and weak

My spirit is kept alight
by your presence
burning in the heart;
I cannot be without your grace;
when I forget you, even for one breath,
I become a ghost, dim, crumbling into dust –

I’ve had enough, I will abandon myself here!
I’ve tortured myself for far too long
searching for ways to surrender –
I bow down completely –
You’ve seen all my mistakes!

Take every part of me,
Let me not move
unless it is with you in sight;
There isn’t time to fool about like this –
every breath I take away from your presence
is an agony in the heart

You gave me the greatest blessing
when you looked at me
for that  infinity of a fleeting glance
The smallest glimpse
was enough;
Now I spend every moment
longing
to see you again.

I don’t ask for anything,
but if I be lacking
in some quality needed to reach you,
then give me that.
This is my only prayer;
That I may honour you, fully,
for as long as it takes
for every Soul to come home.

Oh Sweet, sweet untouchable Beloved,
I give myself to you completely –
If should take even one step
which would make you weep,
send every angel you know
to stop me.

~

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