Monthly Archives: September 2011

Not Knowing

If you are breaking open
and there is no ground or walls,
nor person to say “Yes I am that”,
If there is no knowing nor faith
and no desire;

If you have discovered
that everything you believe in,
all that you touch, dissolves;
If nothing can be confirmed,

What do you do?

I stay still, feeling,
listening, quietly;

If the pain grows deeper – let it,
If the fear comes stronger – let it,

If disturbance comes to destroy
this entire world – let it!

What could I do
but stay in my heart?
Stay here, where
something is burning.

And whilst I wait between
unknowable and unknown,

Perhaps the life
that is warm and moving
will carry my understanding
deeper, to a place where

All this breaking will only have been
the tearing down of walls:
the walls of my being.

So if it hurts and feels like it’s the end,
maybe it’s only the beginning of beyond;
Because the walls are not me
and all I ever asked for was to be free:
Free of all that is not true,
Free to merge with infinity,
to meet G-d – Fully.

(It was a name we were given
for that which has no name.)

All that ever remains is this longing.

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Already That

Sometimes,
I wanted to run away,
to run so far from knowing,
leave all practice behind;
Retreat to that place
within my own being,
Where, it was always clear,
that nothing could exist but

Silence,
All-pervading,
Love.

Where there could be no conflict.

But it seemed as though
having already taken one step
too far into the beyond,
that the world in my own silent company
could offer no retreat –
For I had come to mistrust my own seeing,
blindly grasping at these endless illusions.

I was never quite sure
if I was awake, or dreaming.

It certainly appeared as though
I could never quite see
and that all that arose
was perceived through
relentless distortions.

All that changed was
the way of dreaming;
Reality seemed
out of reach.

And so I had to continue
full of doubt and fears,
giving my life to a path
which I could not trust;
Because without that path
all living was empty,
a pantomime for the senses
in which I had long since lost
interest or desire.

No other way had been offered
to follow deeper inwards and go beyond,
so I took it, blindly
stumbling all around the edges
across a thousand imaginations.

Every part that you might call me
caused nothing but trouble and pain.
Yet really, I hadn’t even begun.

I prayed to a higher seeing
a deeper loving, an essence,
the indivisible one,
(that I prayed existed)
Not to let me go astray;
Not to let me forget the heart.

I begged life, weeping daily
(with a heart on fire
that desired nothing
but to be returned,
to be fully empty)
to remove me completely;
leaving only

That which
Was
Already That.

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Amber

You can call me a crazy woman all you like,
but you didn’t see the moon tonight!
(Not so that she grabbed you
right in the centre of your still silent place
and made your Love so wild
that the world stopped spinning.)

My G-d, she was so vast, so low,
she was sailing, amber,
right down close.

When I see her like that,
naked, on fire,
almost full,

I know that however you choose to judge me,
if one glance doesn’t stun you, fill your lungs,
squeeze you, stir you;
You are the one
you, not I,
Who has lost something beautiful.

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Surrender Your Face

Only this space remains,
this intimate, expanded space.
Only this silence remains:

Full, warm and alive!
Full, warm and alive!

I believe we survive all destruction,
the true self cannot be destroyed.
All that can be hurt and removed
is only that which we are not:

If it feels pain, it is not you!
If it feels fear, it is not you!
Let pain come.
Let fear come.

You are beyond.
When all that comes
has passed,
you will remain
untouched.

Closer than before.

You are stronger than you think!
You are stronger than you think!

You can be completely naked,
You can be completely empty,
You can be void of all desires.

Let the world take you apart
Piece by piece, if it must,
until you are so
tender and vulnerable;
until you have become
undone.

Be tortured if you will,
until there is nothing left
of all that you think you are.

Be exposed fully:
Surrender your face
and grace will come.

Love comes.
Only love remains.

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Unwrapped

The moon took me tonight,
took me with her luminous beauty
hanging there, so secret, so full
and wrapped me, a million times around.

I wish she had wrapped me
a million times more,
so that I might have drawn
closer, enough to stay;

Because the light she reflects
was always soft and true,
and she never whispers anything
that is not love.

A friend put his hand on my heart
then took it away completely,
so now when the wind blows
it blows right through me.

Everything I thought was me
hurts too much to keep,
I walk like a person
but feel all air and space.

I hoped he could touch my mind
so I would lose that too,
because all I ever ask for
is to be fully empty.

The moon has gone behind clouds
and the wind is not blowing.
I am becoming unwrapped.
I sit like a person, an old, tired person.

~

 

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Tell Me

Tell me –

What do you see
when you look
at me?

Because if it is not Love,
it is not Me.

If you see that which is not love,
Tell me –
And I will cast it aside.

Then look again and tell me –
What do you see?

Because if it is not You,
It is not Me.

If you see that which is not you,
Tell me –
And I will cast it aside.

Please –
Tell me.

~

.

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